Love Letter #1 – From a Monastic Scribe in the Middle Ages
Dear Printing Press,
A lot of people might think that I’d be mad at you, what with you putting me out of a job and all, but I’m going to tell you the God’s honest truth. Working from dusk til dawn 6 days a week is tough. The pay is low. And it takes me fifteen months to get one book done. FIFTEEN MONTHS! I don’t care what your speeds and feeds are – you HAVE to be faster at printing one book than that! And don’t get me started on the subject matter. I am only allowed to work on religious texts. An entire lifetime has been devoted to just one subject. The big man upstairs. No funny papers. No romances. And you can forget about Dan Brown-esque thrillers. Please believe me when I say to you that I am glad you are here. I can find another way to earn my bread in my old age. Welcome to the world, dear printing press! HUZZAH!
Signed,
A Lowly Scribe
Love Letter #2 – From Benjamin Franklin
Dear Printing Press
You know it’s pretty funny – A lot of Americans think I actually invented you. We both know that you had already been invented almost 300 years earlier by Johannes Gutenberg in Germany. There is a cool way to learn more about him here… But back to us. Even though I was only 12, I loved coming to work with you every day in my brother’s shop. And, heading to England to open up my own print shop undoubtedly made me more famous than if I had stated behind in the US. And if you check out this timeline, you will see that you and I had a very complicated and historical relationship. It is safe to say that you and I would be NOTHING without each other. So for that, I want to express my undying gratitude.
You are the Wind Beneath My Wings.
Ever Ben
Love Letter #3 – From A Sky Writer
Dear Printing Press
I know this is supposed to be a love letter, and I do kinda admire you, but mostly I am just jealous. Where you and your books and magazines and newspapers can reach millions of people, my work is seen by whatever schmuck just happens to be down below on the Earth when the smoke pours forth. I’m hardly ever around anymore, and my most famous work was in a damn kids movie about a witch and farm girl like 80 years ago. So, I’ll grudgingly grant you my warmest regards this Valentine’s Day, but, truth be told, you humiliate me.
Wah.
A Sky Writer
Love Letter #4 – From a Town Crier
Dear Printing Press
You cannot imagine my most awesome glee when I heard of your invention. For the last 18 years I have spent 8 hours a day spreading rumor and conjecture, along with summoning folk to town meetings and recounting the high points of the latest jousts and other matches of chivalrous ridiculousness. What no one knows about me is that I secretly yearn to be on stage, and so I must away to the city to make it big. My most heartfelt appreciation to you for freeing me from the bonds of this lowly career.
Break a Leg.
The Town Crier
As a sales and marketing coach and consultant at Success In Print, Kelly Mallozzi advocates for graphic arts companies to start a revolution and fight to keep print relevant. She may be irreverent, but what she lacks in convention, she makes up for in smart-assery.
Connect With Kelly: Twitter @SuccessInPrint and check out her weekly blog on Printing Impressions.
